I get alot of e-mail messages everyday from people all over the world. Most are from disgruntled office workers, psychopaths, stalkers, students--that sort of person. But a growing number are from women who write to say they think bikers who ride Harleys are sexy. Some say they've already married a biker and couldn't be happier.

If you're not familiar with bikers, they are from all walks of life. They could be engineers, lawyers, movie/TV stars or school teachers that ride a Harley and are spending more and more time on a computer surfing the Internet.

Okay, you and I know that bikers are polite, honest, employed and sometimes, downright educated. And have a home. These are good traits, but that doesn't explain their incredible sex appeal. So what's the attraction? Is it the long hair, earring, beard, belly or maybe is it the tatoo and in some cases the lack of any or all of these? What could it be?

I think it's a Darwinian thing. We're attracted to the people who have the best ability to survive and thrive. In the old days it was important to be able to run down an antelope and kill it with a single blow to the forehead. If you look long and hard you can still see this practiced, especially after a few beers too many. But that skill is becoming less important every year.

Now, we all know what really matters, is that you can install your own tranny or Internet browser without having to call the Harley shop or tech support and confess your inadequacies.

It's becoming more obvious that the world has three distinct classes of people, each with its own evolutionary destiny:

If you're a woman and you're trying to decide which evolutionary track you want your progeny to take, you don't want to put them on the ride to the dung-flinging Olympics. You want a real man. You want a biker that's a knowledgeable computer user with evolutionary potential.

Women prefer bikers who listen. Bikers who use a computer are excellent listeners because they can look at you for long periods of time without saying anything. Granted, early in a relationship it's better if the guy actually talks. But bikers use up all the stories they'll ever have after six months. If a woman marries a biker who's in, let's say, retail sales, she'll get repeat stories starting in the seventh month and lasting forever. Marry a biker that is a engineer and she gets a great listener for the next 50 years.

It's also a well established fact that bikers who are computer users are better lovers. I know because I am one and I also heard an actual anecdote from someone who knew a woman who married a biker\computer user and they reportedly had sex many times, repeatedly. Wow, can you imagine? I realize this isn't statistically valid, but you have to admit that you're paying better attention once the subject turned to sex. Ok, lets go on.

If you still doubt the sexiness of a biker that uses a computer, consider their hair. They tend to have either: (1) male pattern baldness--a sign of elevated testosterone--or (2) unkempt jungle hair--the kind you see only on people who just finished a frenzied bout of lovemaking. If this were a trial I think we could reach a verdict on the strong circumstantial evidence alone.

Henry Kissinger said power is the ultimate aphrodisiac. And Bill Clinton said that knowledge is power. Therefore, logically, according to the U.S. government, bikers with knowledge of computers is the ultimate aphrodisiac. You could argue with me.......go ahead, start without me.......but it's hard to argue with the government. Remember, they have guns and they run the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, so they must know a thing or two about satisfying women. Ask Bill Clinton, we all know he knows.

Girly-men don't ride Harleys.
The technology of the computer is contributing to the modern biker the new symbol of robust manhood. The Harley rider that uses a computer is a more rounded person producing a union of mind and body, thus creating soul (profound huh). Riding a Harley makes a real man of computer users. Computers make a more rounded man of the biker (because he's sitting on his but at the keyboard for hours, probably drinking a beer). Bikers know that unless they get connected to the Internet no woman is going to look at them twice.

What's your future if you are not on the Web?
It's getting worse. Soon anyone who's not on the World Wide Web will qualify for a government subsidy for the home-pageless. And nobody likes a biker who takes money from the government, except maybe Marilyn Monroe, which is why the CIA killed her. And if you think that sounds stupid, you're right. I have no idea why I typed that.

Finally, there's the issue of mood lighting. Nothing looks sexier than a biker in boxer shorts illuminated only by a 15-inch SVGA monitor. If we agree that this is every woman's dream scenario, then I think we can also agree that it's best if the biker knows how to use the computer. Otherwise, he'll just look like a loser sitting in front of a computer in his underwear.

You might think this was enough to convince anyone that bikers who use computers are sexy. But look at it from the womens point of view:

I just love women who ride Harleys. I only hope they didn't leave the computer out of the equation....... In the past, the best way to impress women was to own a Harley. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own Harley so they wouldn't have to ride around on the back. And good for them.

In summary, it's not that I think bikers that don't use computers are less attractive. It's just that I'm sure they won't read this. How could they if they don't have a computer? The scary thing is, because they don't have a computer they have more time to mate and multipy. Oh my God. Save us all......introduce computers to your biker friends, connect them to the Internet. Our future depends on it. And maybe he'll buy you a beer.

This page was written in the name of humor........for your enjoyment.

Ride on...

Now lets go on to see the rest of
Henry's Bike Week
in Daytona Beach, Florida

-------------- TRADEMARK & COPYRIGHT NOTICE --------------
Throughout this page trademarked names are used,
in an editorial manner only, and to the benefit of the trademark owner,
with no intention of infringement of their trademark.

This page is the exclusive
express opinion and experiences of Henry Jordan.
Sign or View My Guest Book
E-mail, Address, Fax, Phone, NetMeeting

HENRY JORDAN - Daytona Beach, Florida
© Copyright 1995, 1996